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Wearing Wigs: Making OthersComfortable
My bio hair has actually grown enough that I could, if I were comfortable doing so, most likely get it to stay tucked into my wigs without a wig cap. In general I am more comfortable with a cap on and I like the added security they provide both with slippage and keeping those little pesky wisps of hair contained that I might otherwise worry about. But I’ve heard from several people that one way to deal with bio hair and a lacefront/monofilament top wig is to definitively part the bio hair exactly where the part on the wig will be, to get the scalp effect showing through. Sounds like a good enough idea, so this evening I decided to try it out.
It was evident to me a few minutes in, however, that this was going to be more effort than I am willing to expend. I realize how sad this is, given that isn’t that much effort at all. But in trying to get my still quite unruly bio hair to part exactly where I wanted the wig to part, get the wig lined up right, then go around and get all my bio hair tucked into the wig without moving the wig or my bio hair too much, my frustration level built up quickly. I have very little tolerance for such things when it comes to hair which, as I’ve written here before, is why when I clip in black hair extensions try to grow my hair out I only make it to about month six before I go chop it all off again. And as I was attempting this, a thought popped clip in black hair extensions into my head clear as day: I am not putting out this much effort to make other people comfortable with my wig.
An odd way to look at it for sure, and not a thought I’ve ever had before, but I’ve been chewing on it ever since, and I wonder how much truth there is in it for me. I know there’s at least a bit in there, otherwise I would have blown it off with no further consideration. So now I’m wondering how much of my efforts at realism (which admittedly are not that strenuous as I am, say it with me people, lazy) are to make others comfortable with my wig-wearing instead of myself.
I’ve heard several stories recently of overbearing acquaintances getting very pushy and personal with women about just what’s going on up there on that head of theirs. And it is true that, with people such as co-workers that we must see every day, there are those who just can’t let it go – the guy who keeps pointing out every time your style slightly changes, the gal who keeps asking you every time you’re in a room full of people so how do you manage to never have one hair out of place Those people who may know you wear a wig, or may not, but either way, they just can’t seem to stop staring, or commenting, or trying to call you out in front of others. I’ve encountered a few people like this, but not many – being open about wearing wigs does not protect one from the meanness of such people.
So, when I try to add realism to my wigs, or worry about how much change I can introduce at a certain social function or in the workplace without drawing too much attention, or take off that lacefront with the one section that just won’t lie down flat because, if you get right up on my head, it’s noticeable: is it my comfort I’m trying to appease, or is it theirs – those nitpickers who will stare, and insinuate, and ask questions Because, from my current perspective, people who behave in such a way are doing so because on some level they cannot accept the fact that we wear wigs. It bothers them, and they feel the need to pester us about it, bully us over it, or expose our wig-wearing to other people.
Why some people are like this is a mystery to me, but I don’t think it’s my job to figure them out. And it certainly isn’t my job to answer their questions or make them more comfortable with what I put on my head. Do I really care if my monofilament part is lined up with the part in my bio hair Not really, at least not if it’s going to make me spend an extra three minutes getting my wig on in the morning (yep, still lazy). And if I add that bit of realism to my wig, is it really going to make King or Queen Jerk of the Workplace any less of a jerk tomorrow Doubtful.
I know this is not the only reason we do what we do when it comes to our hair. But it might be one little component of it. I know that I’ll probably continue to ask myself the question from time to time when obsessing over some aspect of wearing wigs: who am I trying to make feel more comfortable with my wig-wearing here Myself, or others
And when I look at it from this perspective, I have to ask: do I care if other people are comfortable with the wig I have on my head And I have to answer: nope! Why should I If someone is that easily unnerved, they have much bigger problems than a well-placed hair-part could ever solve. Let them figure out how to get over it; I don’t have time. I just lost three minutes trying to put a believable part into this wig! I’ve already lost time enough.